To give or not to give, that is the question
I started my Christmas shopping tonight. That's right, I said started. I'm a guy. Even if I am 36% gay, I'm still a lousy shopper and Christmas shopping stresses me out. But I am a good browser. I can walk the aisles at the 24-hour Super Walmart for hours and end up with nothing in my cart. Fifty or so things would have been in the cart at one point or another but I would have talked myself out of all of them by the time I was done. Then I'll end up buying some little piece of something just so they don't think I came in and shoplifted a ton of shit and have it hidden under my coat.
"No ma'am. This here thing under my coat is bought and paid for. One pitcher at a time."Anyway, I walked around in a fog for an hour and half and left with two cards and some cold and flu medicine for myself. It was horrible. And to make it worse. Some strung out looking kid in the parking lot -- a girl no more than 16 or 17 years old -- tried to get me to buy a beaten-up looking box that she said had a phone in it. She said the returns department was closed (it was 2 in the morning after all) and that if I would give her 20 bucks for it I could return it the next day and get 40. She said she just needed the money to get gas to get home ... or was it to get food for her baby or to pay for dialysis for her cousin who is visiting from Florida and is too sick to travel. Who knows. I'm starting to tune the stories out once they start hitting me with too many details. Exact times the bus they need to catch is coming, exact prices -- to the penny -- of tickets, their destinations and road names. The stories are getting more and more detailed in order to convince us there is some truth in them.
I consider myself a giving person. And I can't say I haven't given some of them money. But I usually look at them and say, "Tell me the truth. What are you going to do with this money?" Most start the story again, sometimes confusing the details with the story they used yesterday or the day before that or even with the person just before me. I watch them. I'm not even listening anymore. Just watching. The moment I see any glimmer of what they can still be in their eyes, I interrupt their story, give them a little money -- a couple of bucks -- and say, "I hope you don't use this money to buy drugs, but it's your choice." And I walk away.
I know what you're thinking. I've probably just contributed to a couple of people getting a quick fix on their heroin addiction (these definitely aren't weed smokers I'm talking about). But what I'm thinking is that hopefully, somewhere along the way, I've also given maybe one person reason to stop and think about it for even a second. Sometimes all it takes is one second to change everything.One second. Have you ever made a one second decision that could have changed your life? Turned left instead of right? Said no instead of yes?
Anyway, this girl was still talking as I searched her face for anything remotely resembling the truth as she bounced from one foot to the other. It pained me to watch.
"Keep your box. Here's 5 bucks. I hope you don't use it to get high. But it's your choice. Merry Christmas." And then I walked away.
One second. Just one.
I hope she thought about it for at least one second.
Sometimes that's all it takes.
This is probably more than you ever wanted to know about the problem of panhandling.
4 comments:
So you guys always tease me about giving a buck to the panhandlers, but here is one reason why I have such a hard time saying no: When I was 19, I drove a little more than an hour to get to Tucson on a surprise visit to my best friend. She wasn't home and I couldn't get hold of her. So I drove to a Circle K to get some gas to get back home, but discovered I'd left my money there -- 70 miles away (I can be absent-minded). I called my best friend's sister on the payphone to tell her what was going on (I was out of gas) and a man overheard me. He offered to put gas in my car, which freaked me out because I thought he wanted something in return. He didn't. He did this good deed -- and I never asked for it -- and told me maybe one day I could do it for someone else in need. I just want to believe the best in folks, even against my better judgement, and I do know I'm usually being told a pack of lies. I think about me -- at 19 -- being helped by this stranger in Tucson.
Thanks for sharing that JJ... Please know our thoughts are with you over the next few days. You know how to get me if you need anything. Even some money for gas :)
I admire your optimism.
It's sort of like working in a pharmacy and making the decision whether or not to sell needles to the 85 lb. shaking and stuttering addicts. On the one hand, it might help the spread of HIV or Hep-C. That's a big "might" with the hopeful assumption that they will have enough sense not to share needles. On the other hand, if they're told no, maybe they wouldn't do it that day, and maybe that would be the day to reach them. But most likely, they'd get their hands on someone else's used needles. There's no good answer.
I hope you got through to that girl this time though.
psst, it's me!
You're absolutely right. There is no good answer. I think for many of these people, the next step after this aggressive panhandling -- and/or scamming -- will be stealing. I feel like while they are still in the panhandling stage, that there's a part of a person still in them at this stage telling them this is better than stealing from people. And then as the drugs take hold of more and more of the person, the voice and reason of that good part just completely disappears as the Jonesing starts to kick. Believe me, I say "No" more than I give because in most cases, I don't even see the person having a second of clarity in their heads to spare listening to my one sentence. But for some -- like that girl -- let's just say I don't want to be the one person that could have made a difference, but chose instead to keep walking.
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